Fashionably Late

Have you heard about these community tools they have on the crazy interwebs for inspiring you to write? Things like NaNoWriMo, and NaBloPoMo, and more focused excursions into reflection like reverb10? The latter grabbed me sometime last week. I read some of the questions and some entries by bloggers the world over and thought, that is a pretty cool way to end the year; I would like to do something like that. I believe I even clicked on the “sign up” link and then stared blankly at the screen for several minutes. But instead of moving forward I cowered and allowed Self-Doubt to prevail. “That blog of yours has sat stagnant for aeons,” he said. “You don’t write.”

But what if I did?

What if I shook some words loose to find some honesty and truthiness in my complicated and somewhat frantic life, and watched what happened?(*)

December 13 – Action: When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

Know how I used the word stagnant up there, earlier in this post? Stagnancy and I are good friends. I idle in a volatile and unpredictable sea, treading water; waiting. I’m not even sure what for, to tell you the truth; it could be love or the end of my 15+ year battle with acne or the water to boil for my coffee or the start of the next growing season or the sunrise or the sunset or the next season of Weeds come out on dvd. It could be as monumental and earth-shattering as a career change or it could be as mundane as the settling of a few dust particles onto the top edge of a frame holding a photo of me and my best friend, smiling as big as we know how. Hard to say, really.

I want to wait less, do more.

Doing starts with ideas and dreams. I am REALLY good at ideas and dreams. I could be a professional daydreamer. As a child and adolescent and even into college I penned the fantasies my brain conjured up about riding prize horses and hanging out with famous people, while my life sort of carried on, ordinary. I daydreamed my way through organic chemistry lectures and physics labs, which kept me from getting the grades necessary for my half-assed goal of getting into vet school. It goes on from there. These unfulfilled, unrealistic daydreams taking the place of actual ambition have, I believe, contributed to my deep, dark foray into the D word, a place from which I am trying desperately to return.

I have recently worked very hard to find a bit of awareness. Small, wonderful pieces have begun to fall into place. I’ve snorted with delight to remember things I’ve loved in the past but let go of, or discover new things that delight and challenge me. My next step is to do these things, independent of anything or anyone else, and watch and listen. I fully expect life’s secrets to be whispered into my ear. But I’d settle for some accomplishment, clarity, and the feeling that I am moving forward.

(*) Please, bear with me for this, or, alternatively, don’t bear it if it gets too ugly. I won’t be offended if you check out for awhile. I haven’t written in a very long time and I expect to do so in a cloud of rust and terrible, insipid metaphors.

As a reward for reading my slightly rambling return to blogging here is a picture of my outrageously cute dog:

You are most welcome. Don’t even mention it.

What is this?

This is an article that was posted on Dec 13, 09:42 PM.

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Comment [1]

  1. Jake Dec 21, 11:15 PM

    Yay writing! ;-)

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